This is me swallowing my pride

Every now and then (ok, so probably 2/3 of the year), I'm hit by certain songs that have lines (or the entire lyrics) that hit just a little too close to home. Right now, I'm thinking it's probably my entire playlist. I'm going to be vague to protect myself (and maybe others), but I felt pushed to post it.

This is me swallowing my pride [standing in front of you] saying I'm sorry for that night...
Let's be honest. No matter how much I've thought about apologizing, I'm probably never going to (at least not to your face, which is why I bracketed the "standing in front of you" part). You deserved it awhile ago... no use in making things even more awkward now. But in my head, every time I hear this line/ song, I think of you and how I should have swallowed my own pride back then (and trusted you) and explained why I acted the way I did. Maybe then you would at least understand, and I would have made an attempt instead of running away from it. So this is your apology, even though you won't see this.

Take what you want, steal my pride/ Build me up or cut me down to size/ Shut me out but I'll just scream/ I'm only one voice in a million/ But you ain't taking that from me...
Why, oh why (oh whyo?) was this song not out 3 years ago? I could have used this one in my back pocket for moments when I should have stood up for myself. Ok, so it probably wouldn't have helped. I would have still been stomped all over which would have had the same domino effect for the past 3 years that I still deal with.

So far away from where you are/ I'm standing underneath the stars/ And I wish you were here.
I don't know who you are yet. I wish I did. I wish you were here though. But I'm guessing (hoping) that the wait is worth it all. Besides, I'm selfish and tired of dealing with questions of whether or not I'm bringing a date to events and when am I ever going to get married (I've gotten these questions multiple times- it's a little tiresome). I'll make a deal with you- I'll try to get out more, and maybe you can appear sometime soon?

Don't let your life forget to forgive what it has done,/ Don't let it take the love left inside you/ Let me comfort you...
I have a really difficult time forgetting certain things. If you ever see me randomly flinch... something has reminded me of a sore point in my life (I still occasionally flinch about middle school things). Crazy, I know, which is why I think I react so strongly to the first lyrics that I posted. I can't forget (and usually can't forgive) myself for some of the most ridiculous things. I should take these lyrics to heart more often.

Suffice it to say, we're leaving things unsaid.../ A hundred thousand words could not quite explain...
That's right. My blog title comes from lyrics. There's no way I could ever put in words the perfect explanation for why I feel the way that I do. Nor should I! Creates a bit of mystery about me, right? Sure, I should lower my walls more. I should forgive myself more and find some way to forget all the stupid stuff from the past. It's only making me too guarded. But until I figure all that out, it will all remain unsaid.