Bring on the rain (although I am going to cry)

It's been a rough end of the week here at my house.

About a month ago, my dad took my dog to the vet for his yearly check-up. As Checkers is now 15.5, my dad started questioning how we'd know when it's time for us to let him go. The vet said that Checkers would let us know- but that he was looking great (other than hearing/sight loss and arthritis, he acts and looks younger than he is).

Yesterday morning, my parents let him out before going to work. Normally, Checkers then sleeps from when my mom leaves for work until his 6th sense kicks in and he knows that I am eating. However, yesterday, he woke up around 10am and I could hear him struggling to get out of the bed. I went to check on him, and he pretty much fell out of the bed. And then he couldn't walk very far without falling. By very far, I mean that he made it from my parents room to my door- all of about 10-15 feet. I called my parents, explained what was happening. A little later, he decided that he wanted to be downstairs, so he went down the stairs, falling every so often. He continued to get worse as the day went on, eventually causing me to call my parents a final time and them both leaving work. By that point, he had a definite lean and as my dad noticed, his eyes weren't focusing at all. We all took him to the vet and were convinced that was going to be it. However, the vet told us pretty much immediately that Checkers has vertigo. Yes, apparently it isn't even that uncommon for dogs to get vertigo, especially older ones. The biggest problem is that Checkers doesn't appear to have an inner ear infection, and if it isn't that, it's from a stroke or a tumor. And since it came on so quickly, we are guessing it is probably from a stroke. We've tried him on bomine since then, and he's improved some, but it's still so hard to watch him. We don't feel good about his quality of life if he can't be left alone, he's not sleeping well, he has moments where he won't stop panting, he can't go down steps (so must be carried down them), and he looks so confused about what is going on. He hasn't looked happy since Wednesday.

So unless he's had a miraculous evening (I wasn't here), we are probably saying our final goodbyes tomorrow.

Tonight, I did escape from the house. I had tickets to see Jo Dee Messina in the grand opening of the Clayton Center at Maryville- it was awesome (both the Center and the concert). She sang "Bring On The Rain," which is my favorite by her. And thank goodness I was smart enough to not wear eye makeup, because I was holding it together pretty nicely until she sang the line "I'm not gonna cry..." and then the tears started back (much like earlier when I was getting ready and every song on shuffle was determined to set me off: "What Hurts The Most," "Better As A Memory," "I Will Remember You," etc).

So Checkers, if tomorrow is it, thank you for keeping me company for the last few months. I'm not sure how I'll handle the empty house without you. But know that I am going to cry. And if tomorrow isn't it, then I hope you do stick around till 20 like I've been saying. Regardless, I'm NEVER watching Marley & Me again. Ever. Not even the beginning part.

Saturday morning edit: Checkers slept through the night and woke up well. We're going to hold judgment until Monday now!